Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize