Tell her she can't have a vagina
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
