you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
