You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
