Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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