Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize