I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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