I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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