You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
