WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize