dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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