I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
