do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize
