Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I stole a fireplace last night.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Randomize
