We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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