he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize