my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
