just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I wanna passion pit in your ass
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
