dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
