Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
