Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
