I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
