we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Randomize