I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
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