My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
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