Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
