forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
He shit in the fireplace
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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