You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
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