omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
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