I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
