I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
