i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
