he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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