Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
