sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
