were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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