I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
