This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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