is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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