I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
