i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
