Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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