Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
My vagina just recognized that song.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
