i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
