Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
