She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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