HIV tests are more positive than that guy
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Randomize
