Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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