He uses pillows to masturbate.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Randomize
