i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
