you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
