i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
