I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
