Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
