I hate all girls vehemently.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
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