So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
