I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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