Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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