I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
