guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
