i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
