Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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