So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
