The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
