im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Just cropdusted the office
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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