Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
