I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
