i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Verdict: uncircumcised.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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