I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
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