Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
